Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
