Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He did a backflip because drugs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
