Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Drunk is not a location!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
