no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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