Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
