Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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