One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
