Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
