So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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