Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
