if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This is my gift to your gina
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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