he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
