Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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