The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
