Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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