The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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