oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's a Shit stain on my heart
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i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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