I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
