ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
