I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
