I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
