I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
