She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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