I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
