I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
