Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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