Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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