dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
