Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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