Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
