if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
