The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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