she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
