I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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