Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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