I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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