I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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