I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
