absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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