She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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