don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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