While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
