One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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