I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
