Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
