she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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