Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
