fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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