but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
