If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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