Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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