god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
