you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
