I think my fart just growled at me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
