Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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