then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
