it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
