I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
its liver damage thursday
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
