Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
