Plan B is the new Plan A
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
