After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
