i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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