So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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