my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize