He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
