I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just found puke in my bra..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
