I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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