so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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