It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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