Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize