Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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