Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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