my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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