DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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